My Ass Is On F I R E

So… this is a thing that happened…

I spend the last – I don’t even know how many years – trying to write.  Coming up with bits and pieces – scenes that played like a chopped up movie reel in my head – without a beginning or end.  Same characters – new places.  New characters – same places.  Using and reusing scenes from other stories.  But never, ever having a cohesive vision of anything that could become a novel.

Then it happened.  Something clicked in the oddest of places – McDonald’s drive-thru.  I’m not knockin’ it.  I know enough that when the Gods of Creativity shine on you, you say ‘thank you’ and move forward.   I could see it all – the start, the middle and the end.  The planets.  The big war. The romance.  Colors. Clothes. ALL OF IT.  I pulled over in a parking lot and wrote, and wrote and wrote.  I wanted to make sure I had notes of everything before it disappeared out of my head or something trivial took its place.

3,500 words later I was still so excited!  I went back and read it again – a couple of tweaks – and I was still in love.

Then … nothing.  The story is still there.  The notes are still there.  But that’s it.

The story that I’ve been waiting for all my life. The story that I have fallen in love with is just … gone.

WHAT THE FUCK!?  Why have the Gods of Creativity done this to me?  Are they sitting in thrones on high in their castles LAUGHING down on me?  “You thought we were going to let you write a story?  Let you finish this passion you’ve attempted to pen?  HA!”

I haven’t looked at it in a couple of weeks – my 3,500 words.  I’ve been pissed and sad and … and… embarrassed.  I have several friends that write that I droned on to about how excited I was with my new story.  My full story and my 3,500 word kick start.  Now – crickets.  Like a frickin’ ghost town in my frickin’ head.  DAMNIT! DAMNIT! F’ING DAMNIT!

So, tonight I swallowed my pride and opened the story again.  With a deep sigh, a read through my 3,500 words, in the end – still happily in love.  I still see it going in the right direction.  I still see the characters meaning something to someone besides just me.  I can STILL see the beginning, the middle and the end.

As of tonight, this has become a labor of love.  I can NOT just let this go.  But this IS going to be labor.  Like, giving birth to a barrel cactus kinda labor.  But, it HAS to happen.  KISS MY ASS GODS OF CREATIVITY!  It’s my story and I’m taking it back! Back to Majikien and Princess Skyler and the Jax the pilot taking her to Sorcier to overthrow the King (it will make more sense once I’m done).  Any way!  It is now ON.  On like Donkey Kong.  Like Wrath of Khaaaaaaan!  GRRRRRR!

P.S.  Just kidding, Gods of Creativity.  Any help would be appreciated…  ((hugs))